Psychological counseling usually solves objective problems, right?

This statement is not accurate. The core work object of psychological counseling is never the objective problems themselves, but the emotional, cognitive and behavioral response patterns of people when facing these problems.

I picked up a boy who had just graduated last week. He was so worried that his hair was half a finger wide. When he sat down, the first thing he said was to ask me if I could help him choose an offer. One was a state-owned enterprise with a stable 9-to-5 salary, and the other was an Internet company that doubled the salary but cost NT$996. He listed the pros and cons of the two options on three pages of A4 paper. He struggled for half a month and couldn't even sleep. He said that if he couldn't choose, both sides would withdraw his offer. I didn’t analyze any industry trends and salary increases for him. The information he looked up was more professional than mine. I just chatted with him. At the end of the conversation, I found out that what he was afraid of was not the loss of which one he chose. It was his parents who made all the decisions for him from applying for a volunteer to choosing a major. When we talked about the fourth session, he patted his thigh and said that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I just want to make the decision for myself. Even if I make the wrong choice, I will have to start over again. I am only 22 years old and can still afford to lose. A week later, he sent me my job badge and told me that I had chosen the Internet and that I would be happy writing code until ten o'clock every day. It was much more comfortable than the days before when I was lying at home and struggling.

Of course, many people will feel that there are many links in psychological counseling that seem to be about solving objective problems. For example, CBT-oriented counselors will make specific back-to-school adaptation plans for children who are tired of learning, provide guidance on daily activities for depressed visitors, and do communication exercises for couples with conflicts. These steps all seem to be aimed at solving specific problems such as "not going to school", "no motivation", and "cannot communicate", right? But if you look carefully, you will find that the prerequisite for these specific methods to be effective is to first remove the emotional barriers that are blocking the way: the prerequisite for a child to be willing to go back to school is that he no longer has to worry about the teacher's criticism and the isolation of his classmates. If these knots are not resolved, no matter how many plans you make for him to return to school, he will just hide at home. ； The prerequisite for a husband and wife to communicate well is that both parties have let go of the assumption that "he is deliberately targeting me." Otherwise, no matter how good non-violent communication skills are used, it will be like arrogance.

To use an inappropriate analogy, it's like if you drive into a mud pit, the psychological counselor will not get out of the car to help you push the car, nor will he call a tow truck for you, nor will he sit in the passenger seat and scold you for driving the car. He will only accompany you to calm down your panic and figure out how you just drove into the pit, whether you pressed the accelerator and brake correctly, and whether you can safely drive out of the car in your current state. Once you have sorted this out, you will either know how to get around this pit or know who to ask for help. You will not panic if you encounter a similar bad road next time.

In the five or six years I have been doing consulting, I have seen too many clients come in with a lot of specific questions, such as "Should I get divorced?" "How to make my children obedient?" "Should I resign naked?" By the end of the day, the original problems are either no longer problems, or they have already figured out the solution that suits them best. Everyone has the ability to solve their own problems, but sometimes they are blinded by emotions such as anxiety, fear, and grievance. If there is someone to accompany you to wipe away the fog, you will be able to walk on your own.