Where does psychological pressure come from?

Judging from the thousands of client cases we have encountered during clinical consultation, the psychological pressure of ordinary people basically cannot circumvent the three core dimensions of survival security, social relationships, and self-identity. Most of the time, it is the superposition of pressure from multiple dimensions that makes people feel out of breath.

The most intuitive thing is the pressure on survival. I recently met the operator of an Internet company. One-third of the entire department was laid off last month. He worked overtime until 12 o'clock every day and dared not leave. His palms were sweating as he stared at the performance rankings updated every week. He had to repay a monthly mortgage of 8,000, and the monthly child care fee was another 4,000. In his words, "Now he doesn't even dare to get sick. He is afraid that he will take leave and lose his job, and the whole family's expenses will not be covered." Some people also say, "If you reduce your desires and spend less, you will not have this pressure." However, in reality, many expenditures are rigid. Medical expenses for the elderly, children's school fees, and basic security for family members cannot be cut off. This kind of "inevitable" survival anxiety makes everyone nervous.

Don't think that as long as you make enough money, you won't have any pressure. I have seen many people who earn hundreds of thousands a year, but they are still so worried that they can't sleep every day. Most of the problems are related to relationships. Last month, a sophomore girl came to me. She was ranked in the top three majors and received a national scholarship. She looked very cheerful. She said that she had been isolated by three roommates in the dormitory for more than half a year. She didn't even have anyone to talk to when she returned to the dormitory. When she told her parents, she was scolded, "Why can't you get along well with others when you are so outgoing? Look for problems within yourself." She now walks downstairs to the dormitory every day and has to stand for ten minutes to do psychological training. Recently, she has started to suffer from severe insomnia. Some people may also say, "If you don't get along, just break off the relationship. Why bother yourself?" However, many relationships cannot be broken off at all: young people who rely on their parents to help raise children cannot completely ignore the urging of their elders. ； Working people who have to work with colleagues on projects should not completely break up because they can't get along. The tension caused by this kind of "forced to maintain" relationship is like a wet T-shirt on the back in summer. It doesn't weigh much, but it makes people feel uncomfortable all over.

There is another kind of pressure that is hidden even deeper, and others are not even aware of it. Only you know that the string in your heart is always stretched, which is the pressure from self-identity. I have a friend who is an independent designer. All the clients for the branding project he took on last month have signed and confirmed. He always felt that the color matching could be adjusted better. He stayed up for three nights to complete the changes, but then he felt that the layout was not creative enough. He continued to deny himself for half a month. After drinking too much, he cried and said, "Why can't I do this well? Am I not worthy of eating this bowl of rice?" Some people think that this kind of pressure is simply "thinking too much" and "inflicting trouble on oneself." However, many people think that such high demands on oneself are a sign of advancement. However, once expectations exceed one's current ability threshold, the positive driving force will become an overwhelming burden.

In fact, many times the pressure we feel does not come from a single source. It may be that we were criticized by our leaders during the day and worried about losing our jobs, we quarreled with our spouse over housework when we went home, we were lying in bed checking our Moments and saw the news about an old classmate’s promotion and salary increase. A few seemingly small things put together can cause a normally cheerful person to have an emotional breakdown. There is no need to insist that you are not stressed. Finding the point that weighs you down the most is the first step to relief.