How to treat yourself

There is never a standardized "treatment plan" for self-healing. The core first step is actually to stop blaming "why am I injured?" and don't regard yourself as a defective product that needs to be "fixed." You just have some emotions stuck in your body temporarily and need to be slowly released.

There are quite a lot of controversies about self-healing on the Internet. One group advocates that we must trace the source and clean up, dig up childhood trauma, keep an emotional diary, spread out all unfinished regrets and crush them, and completely untie the knot in our heart.； The other group believes that it is useless to hold on to the past. They should live in the present, do more positive things to divert attention, and look forward to naturally get out of it. There are many supporters on both sides, and they have also called each other poisonous chicken soup.

An operations girl I met in 1995 fell into this trap. That year, the project she was responsible for was cut down and optimized. Her boyfriend of three years cheated on her again, and she lost nearly 20 pounds. She first signed up for a therapy camp worth several thousand yuan, and sorted out her childhood trauma and wrote an emotional diary every day. She cried in her arms at 3 a.m. every day and couldn't even swallow her food. Later, she canceled the camp altogether and put all the therapy books in the cabinet. Every day after get off work, I walk around the river near my home for 40 minutes. When I see a sausage vendor, I buy one. When I see a stray cat, I take out some of the cat food I bring with me to feed it. I just wander around like this for more than two months. It has been almost half a year since I last saw her and she has brightened up a lot. Strangely enough, I don’t want to know the answers to the questions that I always kept asking before: "Why did he do this to me?" and "Am I really bad?"

In fact, who do you think is right among these two factions? There’s really no accurate estimate. Just like when you have a cold, some people take Chinese patent medicines to get better quickly, and some people have to take Western medicines to be effective. Essentially, it depends on whether you can bear the current state - if you still have the strength to deal with the past, and can slowly sort it out after finishing it, and will not get stuck in emotions, then of course there is no problem in tracing the source. ； If you have exhausted all your energy just to cope with eating and going to work every day, don't force yourself to touch those painful places. Take care of the current food and drink first, and do more small things that make you happy even for just a second, which is better than anything else.

When I was under great pressure at work two years ago, I always felt like there was a piece of wet cotton stuck in my chest and I couldn't breathe. I first learned mindfulness from others, which required me to sit upright, close my eyes, and focus on breathing for 20 minutes. Within five minutes of sitting down, my mind started thinking about the plans to be handed in tomorrow and the projects I didn't finish last week. The more I sat, the more irritable I became. I threw away the so-called "standard requirements" and instead dedicated myself to feeling the foam of the dishwashing liquid sliding over my fingers when washing dishes every day. When I brushed my teeth, I carefully felt the coolness of the mint flavor spreading on my tongue. I persisted like this for less than half a month. One day when I was washing the dishes, I suddenly discovered that the piece of cotton stuck in my chest had dispersed.

But let’s be honest, don’t myth the role of self-healing. Not all emotional problems can be overcome on your own. If you have been suffering from insomnia for more than half a month, can’t eat, are no longer interested in the things you liked before, and even have thoughts of harming yourself, don’t insist on “healing on your own”. There is really no shame in seeing a professional psychological counselor or going to a psychiatrist. I had a friend who struggled with it for more than half a year, reading healing articles every day to cheer herself up, but instead fell into moderate depression. After taking medicine for three months as prescribed by the doctor, and cooperating with weekly consultations, she slowly recovered. Don't regard "relying on yourself" as a shackle. Asking for help when you need it is also part of your responsibility for yourself.

To put it bluntly, there is no such thing as "treatment". To put it bluntly, self-healing means that you become a patient little parent for yourself. You are the one huddled in the corner that no one cared about before. Now you walk slowly with him. It doesn't matter if you walk slowly. If you fall, take a break. If you don't want to go, sit down and bask in the sun. You don't have to force yourself to "get better" quickly. If you are willing to accompany yourself, it is good enough.