How to manage emotions

First learn to put the brakes on your emotions for 0.5 seconds, and then find an outlet to let them go without hurting others or yourself.

Last week, I met the deadline of the project until two o'clock in the morning. When I arrived at the company the next day, my co-worker threw the report he had missed on my desk, saying that the customer was waiting for me to help make up for it. Before the change, I would have slapped the table on the spot and started an argument. That day, I suddenly paused for half a second when the words came to my mouth. Without getting angry, I said, "My hand." The final report will be submitted to the boss at ten o'clock. If you are not in a hurry, I will help you with it this afternoon. If you are in a hurry, ask the leader to change the priority." I was shocked when I said this. It would have taken twenty minutes less before. I was still angry that I had delayed my own affairs. Nothing was delayed that day. Afterwards, my colleague even bought milk tea to apologize.

Speaking of which, I have gone through too many pitfalls in managing my emotions. In the past two years, I believed what was said on the Internet, thinking that adults should give up their emotions and swallow all the grievances they suffered. As a result, a physical examination at the end of the year directly revealed type III breast nodules. The first thing the doctor said was "stop sulking." There is actually quite a quarrel about emotion management on the Internet these days. One group says, "Emotional stability means keeping emotions in check, and having emotions means immaturity." The other group says, "If you have emotions, you have to vent them immediately. Holding them in means you are irresponsible to yourself." I have tried both. The former made me suffer from knots, while the latter had an argument with my mother last month. She was so unscrupulous and hurt others and myself that I had to coax her out for almost a week. Both sides are too extreme.

In fact, emotions are not that scary. To put it bluntly, it is like the water in the tap pipe at home. On a rainy day, the water supply pressure suddenly rises. If you block the valve to prevent it from leaking, you may directly burst the water pipe. If you open the valve completely, the house will be filled with water and you will have to clean up the mess. The best way is to unscrew a small pressure reducing valve to relieve the momentum first, and then slowly lead it to the sewer. I didn’t know until I read the popular science of cognitive psychology that the few seconds when people are emotionally involved are actually experiencing “amygdala hijacking”. The amygdala in the brain, which is responsible for handling crisis instincts, takes over the job, and the prefrontal lobe, which is responsible for logical judgment, is temporarily offline. Everything you say and do is an instinctive reaction. In that 0.5 second moment, Che, to put it bluntly, is just waiting for the prefrontal lobe to come online again and take over. It’s as simple as that. I once bought a three-hundred-page monograph on emotional management, and after flipping through ten pages, it lay there gathering dust. It’s so true that those complicated models are of no use. Instead, this little trick will have the same effect once you use it.

I have been practicing this "half-second brake" for more than three months now, and there is no special trick. Every time I feel blood rushing to my head, I bite my back molar first, or clench my fist for two seconds. With such a small movement, I can hold back the breathy words on my lips, and then deal with things after the energy has passed. It is much more efficient and does not cause so much internal friction. If I really encounter something that is particularly sad or angry, I won’t bear it forcefully. I will go for a two-kilometer detour after get off work, or find a friend to complain to for half an hour. The bad mood will dissipate quickly and it won’t hurt the people around me. Really, don’t think about emotional management too mysteriously. You don’t have to force yourself to be a saint without a temper, as long as you don’t let your emotions lead you.