Stress management skills

The core of stress management that is most suitable for ordinary people is never to apply standardized templates such as "mindfulness, exercise, and time management", nor is it to force yourself to completely eliminate stress. Instead, it is to first determine your current stress level and respond with the lowest action cost plan - in essence, don't compete with yourself, and do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Speaking of which, I have been through a lot of pitfalls before. In the past two years, I worked as an Internet operator to catch up with Q4. At the time of KPI, I saw 99+ unread messages every day when I opened my eyes. I worked overtime until 2 o'clock for a week, and my heartbeat was so fast when I was lying in bed. At that time, I saw many bloggers recommending "three things you must do for stress management." I also set an alarm clock and forced myself to get up early every day to do 20 minutes of mindfulness and run 3 kilometers after get off work. However, I broke down after two days - I didn't get enough sleep in the first place, and I had to squeeze in time to do these "prescribed actions", which made me even more stressed.

Later I talked with friends in the psychology industry and found out that the current mainstream stress management is actually divided into two completely different approaches. One is Stanford psychology professor Kelly McGonigal represents the cognitive adjustment school. She has conducted 10 years of follow-up research and found that as long as you regard the physiological response to stress (fast heartbeat, sweaty palms) as "my body is helping me mobilize energy to deal with challenges", the negative impact of stress on health can be reduced by 40%. The other school is the mindfulness-based stress reduction school founded by Kabat-Zinn. The core is not to judge stress, but to be aware of its existence and not to fight anxiety. This method has been used clinically for more than 40 years, and it does have a clear effect on chronic stress relief. But why do so many people try it but it doesn’t work? To put it bluntly, I didn’t understand my current situation correctly and used the wrong method.

You can usually assess your state by yourself. If you are just a little irritable, can't calm down while watching short videos, and want to touch your phone after writing two lines of text, this is the lightest early warning level of stress. At this time, cognitive adjustment methods are most effective. There is no need to engage in any complicated psychological construction. Just whisper to yourself, "Oh, I'm stressed now, my body is cheering me up." Last time I was stuck writing a project plan for two hours, and after I finished thinking about it, I suddenly remembered a case of the same type that I had saved before, and I finished it smoothly. It sounds a bit mysterious, but it is really useful.

If you are already annoyed when you see work news, and you can’t help but quarrel with your family when you get home, and you have headaches and chest tightness, this is an overload level of stress. At this time, if you tell yourself "stress is a friend", you are purely making yourself unhappy. I have tried it. At that time, all I could think about was "Can this weird demand not be changed?" and I couldn't listen to any real truth. At this time, don’t engage in any methods that require energy. Just use the 5-minute method to break the situation. You don’t need to change clothes and go for a run. You don’t need to find a place to meditate. You can stand up to get a hot drink, go to the window and watch the cats fighting downstairs for 30 seconds, or sit on a chair and put your feet up and shake 1 0 seconds. If I’m really embarrassed, I just take out the Pikachu and squeeze it 10 times. Just such a small, no-brainer thing can pull you out of the tense mood. I also have an ugly Pikachu Pidgey on my desk. I’ve been using it for almost three years, and two of it have been crushed.

If you have been suffering from insomnia for a week, shed tears at every turn, and even feel that nothing is interesting, this is a breakdown-level pressure. Don’t hold on, no cognitive adjustment or mindfulness will work, and don’t believe what the Internet says: “It’ll be fine if you get over it” or “You’re just not strong enough.” The most useful thing at this time is to find someone to help you. Foreign aid can either go to the clinical psychology department of a regular hospital to register, or simply ask for a day off from the leader, eat takeout at home and watch stupid dramas. If you don’t want to do anything, just don’t do anything. I had a colleague who just carried it out and passed out in the conference room in the end. He took half a month of sick leave, which delayed more things and was not worth the gain.

Oh, by the way, there are two particularly extreme sayings on the Internet. One is that "you are stressed because you are too lazy and not self-disciplined" and you have to fill your schedule to force yourself to be outstanding. The other is that "you have to lie down completely to get rid of stress" and do nothing even if you don't go to class. I've seen people who get up at 6 o'clock every day to work out, and have such a full schedule that they even have to time to go to the bathroom. They break down and cry because they didn't complete the plan on a certain day. I've also seen friends who have been lying at home for three months. They are so anxious that they lose their hair every day and are more stressed than when they go to work. In fact, there is no absolutely correct method. You are in good condition today and you can go for a run if you want to run two laps to vent. If you are too tired to move today, there is nothing wrong with lying on the sofa and eating potato chips. There is no need to force yourself to conform to other people's "standard ways of decompressing".

To put it bluntly, stress is like the return of spring in the south. You can't make it disappear completely, and you don't have to fight against it. Open the windows for ventilation, use a dehumidifier to remove moisture, if it doesn't work, just wrap up in a blanket and watch a drama, and it will dry out naturally after this period of time passes. There is no universal stress management technique. To put it bluntly, don’t compete with yourself. You are more durable than you think, and you are more worthy of being treated well than you think.